Ranking the movies I saw in theaters this past year: #50-41

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I actually saw a nice round number of films in theaters that divides easily into 5 days. Usually I see something like 57 movies which means ranking a different number of movies on certain days. That creates writings that are long, time consuming, and just generally silly to read. This year with 50 I can easily do 10 a day and keep things manageable. A little introduction for those that have never seen the lists I do. No, I do not pay for all the films. Sometimes I will pay to see one film and then jump into another one after that film ends. Not the most honest thing I do but whatever. Also, I do not pay the full price for a few of the films. I'm lucky in that there are a few discount, second run theaters near me so sometimes I'll catch stuff there. In fact, about 35% of the films this year I saw in a second run theater in an attempt to save cash. Sometimes I don't get to see the Oscar nominated films late in one year which leads them to spill over into the next. There are two films on the list that technically were released last year but I didn't get to see them until this year in theaters for various reasons. Also, I'm not technically going to give the traditional Oscar films top 10 spots. I try to rank things based off rewatchability, general joy in watching, and then the general things like performances, directing, etc. Also, as with any countdown- assume the movies at the bottom of the list are pretty bad. I wouldn't dissuade you from seeing them but I would recommend thinking twice before seeing it. So with that out of the way, let's begin the countdown with what I felt was the worst movie I saw in theaters this year.

50. A Nightmare on Elm Street- Platinum Dunes continues their assault on the horror movies of my youth with their biggest misfire yet. And really that says something. Everything that made the original film iconic- director Samuel Bayer gets wrong. Freddy is turned from a child murderer to a rapist. And all pretense of implication is lost there- they specifically outline it. Worst of all though they cover Freddy in entirely too much make-up. In the original, the make-up was sparse and a majority of the horror came from Robert Englund's performance. He provided the character to Freddy and created an entirely creepy movie villain who still terrifies people who saw it. In this one, they layer Jackie Earl Haley with make-up and sink all his facial features to the background. The voice he chooses is altered to a point where it is barely audible at times and he becomes a caricature of an evil person rather than just being evil. The ending tries to hard to bring in ideas from all the films and then blatantly tries to recreate the last images from the original with their own spin. Needless to say, like the rest of the film, it doesn't work. A bad effort, but at least prior to this they were trying and failing. Here they don't even try.

49. Legion- God has lost faith in mankind and he is pissed. So pissed in fact that he is sending angels to wipe us off the planet. The plucky waitress at the roadside diner in the middle of the desert is ready to bear the savior of the human race. Archangel Michael comes down to Earth and clips his own wings so he can save the entire human race. If that was God's plan though it is one of the worst plans in the history of all time. The entire 90 minute film is 4 people attacking before being killed by the patrons of the diner. They pontificate on what is happening, and then 4 more demons show up. I would think if you were trying to wipe out a mass of people that you would unleash an entire wave of demons and angels rather than essentially sending them two at a time. Of course, that ignores the fact that the whole entire idea is insipid. The film would've been greatly improved had it not played this entire scenario so earnestly. This movie called for some tongue in cheek action but the director and writers think this is the most serious thing in the world. It isn't.

48. Grown Ups- Easily the worst movie Adam Sandler has made. It's a shame too because with the people involved this film should've been funny. It's basically an SNL reunion with Kevin James playing a role that would've gone to Chris Farley had he been alive. The worst part about this film is that Sandler clearly got Columbia Pictures to basically pay for him and his friends to go on vacation. They filmed it and this is what we got. There is really no attempt to be funny in this film. There are really no funny scenes or dialogue. In fact, I can't remember any one thing that really works in this film. It's a hodgepodge of images edited and called "a movie." I'm baffled this movie cost 80 million dollars to make. What the hell did they spend the money on? This movie is almost anti-funny.

47. Saw 3D- I truly hope this film was the end of the franchise. It performed nobly for a few entries and then sort of became a parody of itself. By the end it was just trying to see how creative it could be in killing people off although I did think the previous one was at least topical. This film tries to wrap up all the loose ends and sort of opens up another one or two before it closes. It ends at a logical point (of sorts) and feels like a great place to end and move on. If you're into the graphic kill nature of the series it will not disappoint you here as they are innovative with some of the stuff. But for the rest of us it feels repetitive. They also didn't do enough with the 3D in this film.

46. How Do You Know- Easily the most disappointing film I saw in theaters this year. Hopefully it would get better on multiple viewings but it feels like a movie that was only halfway down and then hurriedly finished to get it in theaters. James L. Brooks has done some great films but here he just misfires on every level. The dialogue is clunky, and the direction is really bad. Scenes are kept for a beat too long almost all the time as if the audience needs to see the character react to know how to react. The only really totally likable character is Witherspoon's, and Rudd and Wilson play versions of characters they could do in their sleep by now. Nicholson is wasted in this film and really comes off like a first class jerk at every single turn. If you're expecting As Good As It Gets, you're going to be disappointed. If this is as good as it is going to get from Brooks going forward, maybe he should just stop.

45. Dinner for Schmucks- Bad year for Paul Rudd at the movies. I don't know what this film was trying to accomplish but it doesn't accomplish it. Again, no one really comes off likable in this film. Carell is especially unbearable in this film. Everytime he is on screen the movie grinds to a halt. On top of that, the conceit of the movie is for us to eventually feel sorry for him as an audience so that at the end we cheer him getting his revenge with the help of Rudd and the other, "schmucks." However, by the end you just want everyone to go away. Some of the other schmucks at the end are endearing but it's unclear if we are supposed to feel bad for them or laugh at them- or do both. Jay Roach just swallows all flow up with his directing and loses any semblance of what made the original film so good. Plus, in a movie called Dinner for Schmucks, why is the word schmuck never used to describe the people?

44. Youth in Revolt- I assure you there were comedies I did like this season, despite listing a bunch of them in the bottom ten so far. Here you get Michael Cera playing a version of the same character he always plays. Awkward, yet endearing, teenager. There is a ton of stuff thrown at the viewer throughout this film and nothing is really given any time to stick. It's funny at spots but nothing really resonates after you're done viewing. You're left thinking, "That was nice," but it's hard ti put a finger on why.

43. Devil- On one hand I liked this film. But on the other it relies heavily on a twist ending that is out of every single M. Night film ever made. Inf act, many of the plot points are similar to other Night films. Plus the twist at the end doesn't really require multiple viewings to pick up clues or nuances you missed on the first viewing. It all feels very straightforward and kinda boring. The one character is there for the sole purpose of spelling out everything for the viewer. It gets to the point where it's sort of comical every time he pops up on screen. The cinematography is really good for this film though as they do a great job of getting expansive camera angles inside the elevator. The performances are good, but the script sort of lets them down in the end.

42. Faster- The Rock has really worked hard to make himself a varied actor. After starting in action films he moved over to family films and this was his celebrated return to the action genre. There are things to like about the film. He is strong in his role as a motivated, mostly silent person looking for revenge. Thornton is good in his role but his character again drifts into the typical patterns his characters normally go. There are aspects of this film that would work as a Bronson film in the 70's or a film noir of the 40's but it never dwells enough on them to make a film that resonates in anyway. They are only looking to make an action film that tries to see how high it can crank the decibels until the viewer can no longer bear to watch anymore. It's a film that has multiple tricks but is only concerned with performing the one.

41. Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D- The film looks exquisite in 3D. It makes perfect use of the genre and fits the plot into the capabilities they have. But dear Lord is this a franchise that needs to end at this point as well. It is stretching a lot to extend the story and the 97 minute running time probably would've been shaved by 20 minutes had they not used the slow motion so frequently. Seriously, every fight sequence features slow motion shots. Then it is a slow motion shot from a different angle. Characters from the video games are brought in just to get fans of the video game series to say, "Hey I remember that," and are not really germane to the plot. At the end they bring back a character from a previous film but she is completely unrecognizable and no one in the theater reacted to her. It was sad because the director clearly designed it to be a big moment heading into the next film but it just died a quick painful death. I could've done without them aping from The Matrix so much but I guess you take what you get. Also, quick question I'm still left with from the film- If Milla Jovoich's character really believes she is the only person left on Earth, who in the hell is she recording her video diaries on the outbreak for? Doesn't that seem like a silly exercise?

Tomorrow- #40-31