50. Conan the Barbarian
- A slog of a movie in every single possible way. Good to see that Marcus Nispel's horrible directing is not contained solely to horror films. It is also a showcase as to why the 3D movement has been generally a negative for the filmmaking process. The story is almost non-existent and the characters are completely on dimensional. However, they do everything they can to up the concept of 3D. Fight scenes are filmed in such a manner where they are only trying to show you how cool the gimmick looks. Also, Jason Momoa is pretty wrong for this part. He looks the way he needs to but all he can do is brood and try to look menacing. Arnold was menacing and more importantly had charisma. That is what made him into a star and sold the original movie. Here we have interesting characters and even worse, a boring lead. In the end who cares? Also, what has Rose McGowan done to herself. This can't possibly be the same girl who looked so great in movies like Doom Generation and Scream back in the 90's.
49. The Rite
- What happens when you take Anthony Hopkins chewing scenery like crazy and mix in a stupid story, a questionable horror plot, and a terrible leading performance? You get this mess of a movie that was a struggle to stay awake through. Just when you think Hopkins is bad in English he begins talking extensively in Italian and you have to read subtitles during his parts. When he becomes possessed he is basically doing a poor man's Hannibal Lecter. The lead actor is there only because his teacher blackmails him into going. Then the lead doesn't take it seriously until Hopkins' character is possessed. Then we are treated to a stupid exorcism scene with an Italian journalist participating for some ridiculously contrived reason. The only reason this out places Conan is because Hopkins is perversely entertaining in his role.
48. Suckerpunch
- Do you remember when Zack Snyder did Dawn of the Dead and everyone felt like this guy was bound for big things? Do you remember when he then did 300 and people said this director was really good? Well Suckerpunch is a HUGE step backward for Snyder. It's pretty unclear what type of movie Snyder was trying to make here. At times it feels like a softcore porn film without the nudity. At other times it looks like a hardcore action film with every single gimmick that has been used numerous times throughout the past decade. When all else fails you get a gothic set piece in an old asylum. The problem here is that it never works or meshes together in any way. On top of that it feels like two different movies throughout. There are the scenes where Babydoll is in the asylum and those are boring. Then there are the scenes where she is fighting villains in video game style, and those are basically just artful trash. The whole movie is that. Snyder still has potential but he needs to be reined in because he stands the risk of being consumed by his trappings.
47. The Green Lantern
- Possibly the most lifeless superhero made to date which really surprises me because Ryan Reynolds usually has a charm that comes through even when he is apparently completely bored with the material. Here Reynolds seems to feel the material is silly and beneath him and never commits to any of it. The film tries to look spectacular but instead just looks like an unfinished CGI mess. There was another superhero movie this year that featured a bunch of stuff CGI'ed but it looks so much better there. The character work here outside of Reynolds is pretty terrible too. Blackest night indeed.
46. The Smurfs
- To be up front, I was never a fan of The Smurfs cartoon growing up. I always thought it was kind of silly in that they said Smurf for a bunch of different things and their world never seemed interesting in any way. On some level though I guess I saw why people liked them. Here though, you have a film that basically insults everyone who ever loved the show growing up. It never feels like a Smurfs film. It's basically just taking bits and pieces from other kids movies and inserting The Smurfs. Also, can we please get a moratorium on inserting cartoon characters into the real world? It's not interesting and it just looks silly anymore. The only reason it got to 46 was because Neil Patrick Harris was pretty entertaining despite the stupid stuff he was given to say. But if you ever wanted to see The Smurfs play Rock Band while singing Walk This Way- this is the film for you.
45. Cowboys & Aliens
- This was one of the movies I was most looking forward to this summer and it ends up being a big disappointment to me. Cowboys & Aliens had all the earmarks for a goofy movie with a fun premise and it squanders all of that by playing it way too seriously. The first half of the film is really well done as we are introduced to the characters in the town before the aliens show up. But the two styles of film never really mesh together and there are a number of reasons as to why. Daniel Craig is not very good in his role and they give his character a backstory that tries way too hard. He should've just been a regular drifter into town or an outsider but instead they opt for a guy that has no recollection of who he is or why he has this device on his arm. Harrison Ford is okay in his role but I sort of wished by the end they had found someone else to play his part as he takes it way too earnestly. This should've been a B movie given the A list treatment and instead they take everything too seriously and suck all the fun out of the film.
44. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
- This film had all the earmarks of being something special in the horror genre. Del Toro has an affinity for these films, and Pearce and Holmes are both pretty good actors and the television movie in 1973 is good source material. Somewhere along the way though this film came off the rails and never recovered. The young actress in the lead role is really good and without her this movie would've been considerably worse. She begins hearing whispers in the vents at the house and being a child explores this until she lets loose ancient creatures that only want to take her back to their lair and feast. And while the creatures are in the shadows this film works and then some. It is scary and the tension is high. But then, they show the creatures and what we see are one foot tall simian like creatures with humpbacks that are off some CGI demo reel. To make matters worse, the creatures begin talking, and everytime they talked the laughs in the theater were audible. The scenes where they talk too are played for comedy even though it is clear that is not what the intended effort was. As the creatures are battering the young girl in the library she is screaming "What do you want," as she is getting closer and closer to the bookcase. At this point the lead creature pops up and yells, "We want YOUUUUUU." It was stupid and silly and it ruined whatever goodwill the film had created up to that point. Then we get a cliched ending and a silly tag to the end of the film designed to drive home the point of what has happened. It just feels off. Had they kept things in the shadows this movie works so much better.
43. Take Me Home Tonight
- There is a pretty good movie buried somewhere in this film. It's a shame that the writers and directors never find it because they get four pretty good performances from the main characters who fully commit to the material despite it being not fully developed. Too often the film falls back on thinking, "We've got a great 80's movie concept here and people will love it for nostalgia purposes." Had they taken that thought and included some more meat to flesh out the story you have something here. What happens though is that the 80's gimmick begins to fade away and when it does you see all the flaws of the film. Most of the flaws come when the film drifts too much into the relationship territory because it feels lifeless compared to the anarchic nature of the rest of the film. So this film drops- not because it is bad, but rather because it doesn't hit enough.
42. The Change-Up
- This movie feels like a stand-up comedy routine. In fact, I'd wager that if you read the script there would be notes in it that include the comments setting up the jokes and scenarios in the film. That would all be fine though if the script did not work so hard to get the viewer to hate the characters so much. Ryan Reynolds is particularly unlikable which is a shame because Reynolds is generally a pretty good actor. Here though he is a cad who is filled with so many douchebag tendencies that you can never get behind him. As a single person with married friends I personally try to be conscious of how I act around them. You never want to be in a position where your friend evaluates why they put up with you in the first place. Here though it's hard to understand why Bateman's character is friends with Reynolds. I say some off the wall things to my friends and their wives but telling your friend's wife you want her to sit on your face while you recite the alphabet is a pretty bad thing to say in front of your friend. There are funny moments in the film but they come too infrequently and the rest of the time you are wondering why the radiant Leslie Mann is putting up with all of this stupidity around her.
41. The Hangover: Part II
- I've flipped on this movie since I saw it first. Lots of the criticism of the film seems to center on the fact that it is basically the first film again this time in Thailand. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me though is that the changes they did make highlighted the weakest parts of the first one and the character's flaws. Whereas in the first film Zach's character is a lovable loser who is only trying to fit in, here he creates problems by trying to keep others out. Cooper's character ups the douche quotient without doubling back to have him piece together like he did in the first. On top of that, Ken Jeong is in the film entirely too much here and drags the film down everytime he pops up. There are things here that are fun and most of the laughs come from the familiarity of the situations but there isn't enough that adds up to a great time here.
Tomorrow- 40-31
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